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08/07/2002
"This is how Real Women Girlfriends Talk"
The August 7, 2002 entry on Behind the Mask is one of those talks that women have with one another, that exemplifies the excitement/enlightenment which make women friends love and value one another so much.The entry begins with a discussion between three women of whether a joke letter addressed "to men the writer will not be seeing again", is funny or cruel. I quote from the body of the entry, there is more that came before this and more after J speaks:
D: ....just want to say that it wasn't something I posted out of anger or spite, or to be mean. It's simply what I'd call humor in truth. So many times when we end up no longer want to dating someone and they're totally oblivious as to why.Even when we think the reasons should be obvious enough, alas, sometimes we really do need to muster up the guts to tell someone the truth flat out. I dated a guy once who didn't tell me until the second date that at age 30, he still lived with his parents.
Worse yet, he never cooked for himself other than opening a can of "Chef Boyardee" and he never did any grocery shopping for himself either, because his mom did all of the cooking and shopping for him. And even worse then that, he collected little boy stuff like stuffed animals, comic books and sci-fi memorabilia.
Mind you, this guy had a high salary job, a new car, and big money saved up, and yet he almost never treated me on a date, and when he did treat me it was to _half_ a Subway sandwich he made me split with him to save money... yeah, because he just thought it wasn't worth it to buy me my own sandwich. Oh yeah, and one day he did actually buy a whole pizza pie, and I even though I said "thank you," he made a huge deal about it and expected me to jump in glee over the fact that he bought it!
... Men need to get their shit together too and stop perpetuating the same mistakes onto women.
And it's not about being poor, its about selfishness and not being a generous person.
I've dated a poor guy who'd share what little he had with me and I've dated other guys who took me to McDonalds and then hoarded the rest of their money so that they could go out and buy themselves a DVD player. It's a big difference!
And if there was a list letter like that for women and I was categorized on it somewhere, I'd seriously think about working on whatever it was that qualified me for such "rejection." Hell, I do that even now!
G: "What if you got fired tomorrow? What if you could not hold a job because you were filled with rage over childhood beatings? What if you were so depressed you could not even keep yourself clean much less your house? Do you think this could never happen to you? What were you like after Ray left?"
D: And the answer to all of this is very simple. When these things happened to me and I didn't have myself together, I usually didn't seek out men to date.
J: "I can certainly understand that a person could be filled with rage over terrible events in childhood. I can understand being depressed. I've also been unemployed and poor and lived at home.
And you know what? I DIDN'T DATE.Just because a guy can put on a suit and tie, that doesn't mean he's ready to be out there dating. Tere are other things in life they should be addressing, like their rage, or their bad credit, or their sexual identity crisis, or their child custody proceedings.
I know that everyone wants to find love and attention, and some people just like to get out there and date and meet people, but so what? ......You and I are single women who've weathered our own childhood storms and subsequent setbacks.
We know that the real problem is that too many men have these issues, realize it, will even admit it aloud, but still very few will actually do something productive about it. They'd rather inject their poison into my life. Well, sorry pallie:
No way in hell am I dropping my standards to open my life to someone who wants the best from me and isn't ready, willing, and able to give the best back to me. And believe me, they want your best. I've been there, done that, and on both sides of the coin.
AND THERE IS MORE..to listen in, click on the link above...this is a really good talk from single women who have been around the block and back and have gained some wisdom along their way.
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