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04/01/2002 "Packing"

A friend is going to help me pack thursday and friday. I will put some of this stuff in storage to make the house easier to sell. For a few minutes today I was just happy. I thought, I am happy. I have not felt this way for at least two years. It is a feeling of innocent giggles and it elevates the spirit. I remember it and then I can feel it again. This move will be so good for me.


I have so much to do before I even put the house on the market but at least I am starting.

I have often wondered why it takes me so long to move away from an obviously bad situation. It is a combination of laziness, fear of the unknown, feeling things will just be the same wherever I go. I have the negative belief that I generate this bad luck with the personality I have or my attitude and behavior. Hopelessness. Fear that I will just get myself in a worse situation. Other people leave at the first sign of trouble.

I have to work on escape as a life skill I need. I have to start enjoying and looking forward to change and upheaval. Because when there is a bad feeling, things do not get better-they only get worse. I should leave, after all I sure know how to do that in relationships.

I am still sick from that sub and chips yesterday.

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